Diary of Wimpy Walker
by Plania
Summary: We have feelings, and not just for human flesh.
1. Chapter 1

**Being Bitten, Explanations and Other Crap**

* * *

Oh, no I have the bigger d- wait, we're recording? Dammit, why didn't you tell me.

_I just did, didn't I?_

Yeah, well... We'll cut this part out, right, James?

_Of course I will, Bro._

Of course I will my half-eaten ass. If only we were recording his face dight now to see that toothless grin.

Anyways, here I go.

Life as a zombie can be tough. Now, one might point the finger, or give us the finger, and say, "Y'all deserve it you filthy scumbag!" We have feelings, though, and not just for your human flesh.

No, just kidding. We're cold and soulless, like gingers.

Now, I was once a person too, skin a nice pale color instead of this damn sexy rotten green, without these attractive holes and sickly sounds strewn over my body. My eyes didn't glow with a peculiar, empty light, in fact, they were brown before. Poop-eyes, I'd call em'. Though, my shaggy surfer-hair seemed to have carried on, from when I was livin' to when I dun got dead. I survived for about two months before hands tore away at my flesh, a hungry mouth sloshy and slopping away at my organs, strokes of agony blinding me as my intestines were stripped away. The walker told me it tasted quite well after I turned. "Grassssssshhhhhhaaa," he said.

Fear coursed through my veins as I attempted to avoid being bitten, but after I was, I felt free. No more anxiety or concern. No more scowling, grimacing or frowning. No more yelling, screaming or insulting. No more sorrow, sobbing and tears. I realized it the moment I died that I didn't need emotions, I didn't need to be complex.

The moment I died, I was born again.

When I first came to, the walker growled and immediately withdrew from me, withered away feet sliding on the wooden floors of the house I sheltered in. My eyes danced around the walls painted a pale blue, like the cloudless sky. Sniffing, I realized that from the walls wafted a strong scent, as if it had been freshly coated. Paint color really matters in the apocalypse, as well as other house projects. Is there a better time?

Obviously not.

I angled my head to the side and tossed my body over, gradually flipping over to my stomach so I owned the ability to push my self up. After doing so, I wandered over to where the walker who feasted on my flesh. Gratitude filling my milky eyes, I grumbled, "Grooo ahhhh."

For y'all livin' folks listening to this, that means "thank you". Of maybe "f you", but definitely one of those. I'm probably just going to translate all the noises we make to propped English, so I don't have to explain every time.

"Don't mention it bro." He grinned, facing me. "Sorry if that was painful, but I have to eat, and I need a bro, Bro."

"Ah, don't worry about it. I seen you before, haven't I?" I nodded, examining his curly black hair stained with dry blood. It looked as if he once possessed a beard as well, though a large remanded of the flash on his face remained quite damaged. What really caused me to believed I'd seen him before was his crooked nose. Though, his features remained fuzzy.

"I dunno, maybe when I was a runner we met sometime. I'm James, by the way," he informed, I stepping closer to him and passing through the doorway.

"Runners?"

"Yeah, they call us walkers and biters, we call em' runners and bitees. Only seems right, right?" He grinned his toothless grin.

"Right as my left foot," I grunted, a smile curling onto my face.

"Your left foot is on my right side, Bro."

I laughed with what remained of my muscles in my abdomen, I not feeling any pain of them contracting as I chuckled. Once my guffaw died down, I commented, "You can call me Felix, by the way."

"I can, but I'm gonna call you Bro," James chided, "Now why don't we get us some runners to change them to this wonderful life?"

Anyways, with this walker I groaned and moaned and shuffled out of the house, ambling out into the open air. Carefully climbing down the three concrete steps leading to the front entrance of the house, I examined the bare, blackened street lined with dinky houses with my blurry vision. I peered down the road, where on the road rested two cars that preciously collided. No living roamed around the vehicles, so I mumbled under my breath and relied on my other senses.

A slight breeze carried many scents with the faint hum of an engine rumbled in the distance. "Runners," the undead next to my commented, "They're over there. Follow the noise. We need to bring more to our side. Maybe even find a group we can go with to turn more. Maybe even some girls. Eeeh-heee."

"Gotcha," I nodded, sauntered across the sidewalk and then onto the street with James at my side.

Now, see, let me explain some more on just why we want to read into your flesh. We are hungry, for one, but that's not the main reason. We have amplified senses such as hearing and smell, but our nerves respond to no pain or pressure and our vision is blurry. It's like our bodies know what to do, but not our conscious minds. A world without pain is a good world. Our evil is drained from our body, our sins and our wretched memories flushed out once the effects of the disease conquers our body. This cleansing, this feeling of purity is what we wish to provide the world.

Unfortunately, the runners don't see it that way. They see it as dying, yet, they mindless shoot out our brains and crush our skulls, killing us for good. Is that not ironic?

But, it's not dying, in a way. They come back to life. Better, just uglier on the outside and prettier on the inside. Well, the _inside_ inside.

We don't use a specific language either. Any undead, no matter what they spoke originally, understands all,the gargles and groans we make.

Now, I think James would like to speak to the livin' about the pros of being a walker, since he's makin' faces at me like he's constipated our something, though that's one perk about being a walker that I'm sure he'll cover.

I think we'll take a break from now, and remember, walkers are friends, not foes.

* * *

**AN**

I don't know why I wrote this. Maybe I wanted to add something peculiar to this fandom. See, I don't really know much about TWD, as you might've seen by my other fic, Shanaynay. Yes, sir, I did just advertise. Well, anyways, reviews are greatly appreciated. :3 Begging for reviews and advertising? Yep. :D

James shall be speaking next chapter, so be prepared to be reading the works of a compete arsehat. :3

-Plania-


	2. Chapter 2

**Sideways Assholes**

* * *

Cue my sexy, dramatic flashback voice, Bro. Yep, imagine all that looking off into the distance with dem' sorrow filled, dark eyes o' mine. Imagine me grimace as I recall all dem nasty 'memries. Bro, do it.

I remember that day so clearly, as clear as a glass of water recently filled in a trickling stream. Droplets of water shot down from the blackened sky like rain, because it was rain. Wind whipped through the meandering branches of the tree I sheltered beneath, teeth gritted as frigid rain whipped against my face that a tattered hoody barely protected. Leaves desperately clung on for dear life, only to be viciously ripped off from the limbs and tossed mercilessly in the harsh wind. Lightning split through the ominous sky, branching off in different directions and lunging from dark cloud to dark cloud, only to be followed by tremendous rumble that caused the ground to shake beneath me. Another gust of wind carried even more rain, but also a terrible sense of foreboding.

Nothing interesting happened that day; I just wanted to use my sexy flashback voice. Sexy, ain't it?

I'm James, Bro, the owner of dat voice.

I'm around twenty one years old, though I never age a day as a walker. 'Nother perk.

I have a foot. And then my foot has a friend, my other foot. I use them to lead me towards them runners.

Like when I first met Felix, and by met I mean bit and told em' he tasted fine. I lied about that. Don't taste him. Anyways, so he and I stumbled over the weathered road, followin' closer and closer to that engine, milky eyes focusin' on anything interesting that found a place I'm our path, like a apple restin' on its side with a plastic fork jabbed in its rotted, brown skin.

"Sideways apples," I mused somewhat inaudible tone, kicking the fruit with one of my feet as Felix and I passed by.

Felix snorted and broke into a distorted laugh, perking up as if he'd seen a runner. "Did you just say sideways assholes?" he blurted out.

Hey, Felix, you stop gigglin' and let me speak here!

_Sorry, I just. The sideways assholes. See! Now you're laughin'._

You... you shut up now.

_Just skip this part._

Hey! Is is my interview with them runners, I'll say what I want!

_Then don't skip it._

Yeah, well... I dun wanna do that.

So, we traveled together quite some time, slow step by slow step till the hum got nearer and nearer, and the voices of runners drifted with the slight breeze. I member' the summer air bein' quite warm, and I'm glad my curly, black hair remained short, though the dark absorbed all that damned heat. I don't actually recalls bein' hot at all, actually, I just remember Felix commentin' on how shiny my hair looked. Hell yeah told him to stop look in' at my head.

Though, soon after I told him that a shrill scream broke through the air.

"Walker!"

I snarled with glee and determination, angling towards the voice that musta belonged to a girl. We had reached the heart of the town, yes our hearing is that acute, and been wanderin' round in the alleyways.

"Shush, Lexi, you just brought um' over here!" another, deeper voice hissed, and as Felix and I rounded the corner, my eyes fell upon a middle-aged man an a girl that musta been just under ten.

"Bro, don't look like they got guns. Or any weapons. Now, we gotta rush um and bite em' as soon as we can. The old guy's pretty set. I bet he lifts. He gunna punch, though. So hurry, got it?" I told him.

"Sure," Felix huffed.

I seen the two coward against the car, the man hoisting the little blonde girl up onto the trembling hood and snapping at her to climb, he quickly stepping to the side of the car and desperately yanking on the handle of the doody, cursing under his breath. He propped his foot against the back door, and continue to thrash backwards frantically till just a couple feet separated us.

"Daddy! It's so nasty and ugly! Make it go away!" the little girl shrieked.

That hurts.

It hurts mah feelers.

Now, let me tell ya' something, Bro, we walkers hear very well, and are aware of all the I silts y'all shout at us, we see the fear and hatred in your eyes. En' hearin' little kid yowl insults at as, well, it just hurts so bad. And now... I just... I... eeeeehheeee.

_James... why you gotta over react like that?_

I thought I told you I'm doin' it my way!

So, yeah, before you throw your insults or whip out the heavy machinery, think bout' us, and how it effects us as dead bein's, cause we ain't dead, we're still alive. We can hear you.

I forgave that little girl, and decided to bite her despite my hurt feelers.

We approached quickly for our mangled bomes, Felix and I, grinning and greeting them with a friendly demeanor, reaching out to shake hands with the man. He retreated back a few steps, stumbling and swiftly returning to his feet. This is the usual greeting' we get.

"Lexi, you don't come down from there no matter what, okay," he gasped before turning and dashing away, Lexi sobbing as she witnessed her father become smaller and smaller on the brick pathway that marked Main Street.

I gradually turned around, milky gaze peerin' at the girl, noddin' and saying to my Bro, "Go for the girl, another walker will, get em'."

Again, he obeyed and spun around, reaching on top of the car and attempting to clasp the minuscule ankles of the little girl. "Go away!" she screamed, moving to the corner of the car.

She took another step back as I banged on the window, and with another yell, thumped onto the ground. Eagerly, Felix and I perambulated around the small car, congratulating each other as we lunged at the girl. I allowed Bro the first blood, he clamping her skinny arm in his mouth. I quickly followed, goin' for her heart so she wouldn't have to suffer. We worked as quickly as possible, tearin' out as much as we could till her agonized lashing about and shrieking dulled, and she finally fell silent all together, splayed out on the ground with her blonde ponytails sticking out on the sides of her head.

"Do we wait till she wakes up?" my Bro questioned, tossing his head up and rising up off his knees and to his feet.

"Yeah, kid like that needs a helping hand. We'll help her find her daddy," I confirmed, glancing around, "Try to get her away from the town so no runners will murder her."

Us walkers look out for each other, which is why you rarely see a lone walker and more of us in a flock or a herd, whatever runners call it. We're loyal, unlike the livin' who stab each other I'm the back and turn apples sideways with a fork jabbed in em'.

Ready for my sexy voice again?

Our hearts may not be beating, but we still have our souls. Spread the love, Bro.

Spread the love.

* * *

**AN**

James. Oh James. I had so much fun typing this, mostly because this style I'm using is so unique. I can't really describe the voice he's using, or his actions outside the recording, which is troubling. So would you guys like to see James, Felix, or a new character? Let me know, and leave a review for sideways assholes.

Also, if you'd like some art of your own characters for you fanfiction writers out their, just look at the information on my profile. I'll make a drawing of your character, if you'd like. Anyways, to get onto writing next chapter.

-Plania-


End file.
